Sex for the first time doesn’t have to be bad!
Having sex for the first time is supposed to be exciting and fun, but let’s be honest. It’s also nerve wracking. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never had sex or it’s just been a long time, a lot of thoughts run through your mind: Will I do it right? Will they like it? Am I going to be good enough? Will I get off? People with penises wonder, Will I get off too fast?
What’s supposed to be a fun thing to do with a partner creates plenty of anxiety, whether it’s your first time ever or just your first time with this partner.
If you’ve never had sex before, that’s okay. There’s certainly no shame in it (or there shouldn’t be). To be clear, sex isn’t just penis-in-vagina (PIV) penetration, although that’s the most common definition. It’s also oral sex (cunnilingus and blowjobs), handjobs and fingering, as well as any sexual moment you have with yourself or a partner that makes you feel connected and good. Yes, that means even masturbation is a type of sex – solo sex.
So you may be more ready to fuck your partner than you realize. And when you think of having sex for the first time, it’s important to know what you want that to mean. No matter what kind of sex you have with your partner, you want it to be great. Here are 10 tips to help you make your first time amazing.
1. Take a Deep Breath
When they lean in close or you know you’re about to get naked and have sex, your heart rate will likely go up. You may feel breathless, like you’ve been running. It can make you feel panicked or it can excite you even more. What you don’t want is to rush through things. Breathe slowly and deeply. Inhale through your nose and let it out through your mouth. Deep breathing helps release tension and quiet your distracting thoughts.
2. Slow Down and Relax
One of a couple things might happen when you have sex for the first time. Either you’ll be in such a rush to feel good and have the experience that you move fast and want everything to happen now. Or you might panic and freeze and not know what to do next. Instead, this is the time to relax, both your body and mind. Remember that deep breath you just took? Take another one.
This is one moment you don’t want to rush. Neither of you should feel pressure to do any specific thing right away. Start slowly and focus on different parts of the body. Relax into each other as you stroke and touch. You might even want to try a sensual massage as a way to calm the body and get in some gentle, soothing touches.
3. Don’t Skip the Foreplay
Sex, whether it’s penetration or something else, isn’t a race. Even when you’re willing to have sex, the body still needs to be warmed up. The word we use for this is foreplay, but it’s all part of sex. Anything you do that feels good to one another is part of this. Kissing, stroking each other’s skin, running your fingers through their hair, and touching every inch — it’s all part of the warm up.
The things that feel good to you are where you want to focus. If you’ve masturbated, you may know exactly how you like to be touched. Move your partner’s hand or tell them exactly what to do. Watch your partner’s cues and ask, “Do you like this?” to make sure you’re touching their favorite spots. Oral sex, hand jobs, and other fun might be part of your foreplay, or it may be the main attraction. You’ll know you and your partner are aroused by how your body reacts. Penises get hard, vaginas become moist, clits swell, and nipples may get tight.
4. Don’t Forget Safety
Before you get naked, you have to have a very specific conversation with your partner. How will you have safe sex? You need to talk about the last time either of you were tested and any health concerns you might have. Both of you deserve to know what kind of risk you’re exposed to so you can make healthy decisions.
Condoms are the most common method, of course, to protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and pregnancy, but you need to be aware of allergies. If one of you is allergic to latex, then you’ll need a non-latex alternative. Birth control will only help prevent pregnancy, not STIs. If you’re planning on having oral sex, consider a dental dam for protection as well. You might feel awkward talking about your sexual history and testing. But if you can’t do that, should you be having sex with this person?
5. Lube Up If Necessary
Foreplay is supposed to warm up your body to make sex feel good. Part of that process is producing natural lubrication (getting wet). Sometimes the mind wants to but the body won’t cooperate. Lube takes care of that problem and makes you slippery where you need it most. Lubricant should also be used during anal penetration or play. The body doesn’t produce any moisture in the anus, so you need lube to avoid a painful, friction-filled experience.
6. Stay Realistic
It’s easy to get swept away with the moment and think having sex will be completely amazing and wonderful (and we hope it is!). You might even think having sex will make you more of a woman or man. And if you’re using sex to repair a relationship, you’re bound to be disappointed. Sex feels great and can be an amazing experience. But you have to manage your expectations properly.
For many people, the first time isn’t that great. It might not be awful, but it’s not as good as the sex you’ll have later. You don’t know each other that well during the first time. Sometimes you don’t even know your own body as well as you could. Don’t be disappointed if this first time didn’t alter your entire existence. Sex doesn’t really do that. Take what you learned and apply it to the next time you get naked, and it’ll be a better experience for you.
7. Try Different Sex Positions
What position you use depends on a lot of factors, including the type of sex you have and any mobility issues you have. Many people begin in missionary for PIV sex and doggy style for anal. Neither is a requirement. What matters is that you get into a position that’s comfortable for both of you.
You can try spooning, where you lay on your side. Girl on top can be fun for many couples, and gives her more control. Get into missionary but hold your legs in different positions — pushed back towards your ears or with knees together. The most important thing is that you choose a position that’s comfortable for your body. Once you get more comfortable having sex with your partner, you can and should try new positions.
8. Set the Mood
Many people want their first time to be special, and setting the mood can help. You can set the mood in multiple ways. Turn down the lights (but don’t turn them off) and light some candles. Put on some music, whether it’s something slow and sweet or something with more of a bump and grind feel. Get any extra pillows or unnecessary blankets off the bed so you have easy access to a flat surface. Maybe even plan a striptease or get into a bubble bath together. Later you might want down and dirty quick fucks but for this first time, it’s okay to add a few special touches.
9. Add Sex Toys to the Fun
Sex toys aren’t a replacement for your partner or the sex you want to have. They’re a tool to enhance your pleasure. A good sex toy stimulates the parts of your body your partner can’t reach during penetration. Playing with a sex toy for your partner can be a part of foreplay too! Imagine your partner uses a smart sex toy (eg; smart vibrator – Vibease or Esthesia) and wirelessly remote control it to stimulate your clitoral (or/and with G-spot) even before reaches your location or stimulate it by your side, gradually building up the sensation. You can also use common sex toys, like cock rings, to increase sexual stamina and have more powerful orgasms. Holding a vibrator to your vulva during penetration can give you multiple levels of pleasure. Sex toys don’t mean you or your partner aren’t doing a good job, only that you want to add something extra to the moment.
10. Talk About It
When you’re done, and you’re cuddling up or eating a pizza, talk about what just happened. Share what felt good so you can do it again. But don’t neglect to share what didn’t work. You don’t need to be critical or harsh, but you do need to be honest. Try something like, “I love when you pull my hair, but I didn’t like how it felt when you pinched my nipple. That was a bit too hard.” And then, of course, you also need to listen when they share their own feedback about how it went. When you talk about it, you improve your sexual experience for the next time so you give each other more of what you really want.
Everyone deserves to have a positive experience the first time they have sex. It’s important to communicate with your partner, keep your expectations realistic, and do what feels good to both of you. Sex doesn’t have to end in an orgasm, but if that’s what you want, that’s okay, too. Not all sex is PIV penetration, and that’s also okay. What matters most is that you connect with your partner in a physical way that feels good to you both. Everyone’s first time sexual experience is different, applying some of these tips hopefully will improve your sexual satisfaction as much as possible! If you like what you read, [CLICK TO TWEET] now to share with friends or leave any comment below.