Not your first sex party? Make it a refresher!
How’s your first sex party experience? Have you ever been to one yet? If sex parties sound like hedonistic orgies filled with naked bodies, the smell of sex, and lots of condoms, we like how you think! A sex party can be exactly that or it can be a laid back place for people to experiment with kink and sex or just hang out with people they like. Before you go to your first sex party, it’s important to understand what kind of experience you want and what you can expect when you get there.
Take a look at 11 things you should think about and know before you attend your first ever sex party.
Figure Out What Kind of Sex Party You Want to Attend
Finding a sex party to go to rarely happens by accident. It’s rare that a friend says, “Hey, want to go to an orgy with me?” Instead, you’ll have to do some research and decide what kind of party you’re interested in and what kind are in your area. BDSM and kink parties may be held in semi-private clubs or public dungeons. Swinger parties are often arranged within the swinger community. In large cities, sex clubs are available for a wide range of sexual fantasies and kink. research more. Read as much as you can and reach out to the organizers to get an idea of what kind of event this may be before you go.
Know the Rules
Every sex party - kinky or otherwise - has rules to follow. Ask about them before you arrive and when you get there. The easiest way to get kicked out of the party and that particular community is to break those rules, violate consent, and/or make other attendees feel unsafe. Privacy, drug use, safe sex, and consent should all be taken very seriously at any sexual event you attend. If it’s not, reconsider attending. And when you get there, play responsibly and follow the rules. Many parties will have a monitor to make sure everyone follows the rules. Ask who that person is when you arrive and go to them when you’re unsure of what to do or not to do.
Make Sure It’s a Credible Party
Predators exist everywhere. Good sex party organizers will do their best to minimize the danger and keep everyone safe. Look for an event that checks identification or only invites people they know and has a good reputation within the sex community. Ask your fellow kinky or sex party friends for recommendations. Read what people say about the party. On Fetlife, you can usually find plenty of information about large kink events or parties from people who’ve attended. Ask how people get in - vetting by other community members is a popular choice but some venues may require membership and even a background check. The more the host or organizer does to keep everyone safe, the more credible the sex party.
Bring Someone With You
Bringing a friend or fuck-buddy to a sex party isn’t a requirement but it can help you feel safer and more relaxed. You’ll also have someone who’s looking out for you - and that you can look out for, in case you come across a predator or have to deal with someone who can’t follow the rules. When you have a partner, it’s most common to bring them with you, but you can also bring an open-minded friend. For your first sex party, there’s nothing wrong with attending as someone else’s guest, especially if they’ve been active in community for a while and can show you around.
Decide What You’ll Wear
Sometimes figuring out what to wear is made easy because the sex party or club sets the rules. If there are no clear guidelines, ask attendees online if possible and consider the type of party you’re attending. BDSM parties often feature a lot of leather, latex, and corsets but that’s not a requirement. You may want to wear street clothes to the party and change when you get there so you don’t raise any eyebrows out in public. If you plan on being naked the entire time, you might not care much about what you wear. But you might also want to dress in something sexy or skimpy. Some parties have themes so coming in cosplay or throwing together a costume works, too.
Keep an Open Mind
At any sex party you attend, you’ll see and experience things you never thought possible. In the world of BDSM, the phrase used most often is: Your kink isn’t my kink, but your kink is okay. This is good thinking in any other sex party, too. You may see sexual positions or acts that don’t turn you on. Don’t participate if that’s the case, but keep an open mind and realize that consenting adults are having a good time. When you have an open mind, you are also more open to trying new kinks and positions or experiencing sexual pleasure with new types of people.
Feel Free to Just Watch
You’re not required to join in on the action at any sex party you attend. Anyone who pressures you into it doesn’t care about consent which should be a red flag. It’s perfectly okay to observe and watch the action. Some people are nervous and shy. Others need to be with someone they’re comfortable with or simply aren’t in the mood. And still other people are voyeurs and get off on watching other people fuck. Sitting back and watching the fun during the party is a valid way to experience a sex party, no matter what your reason might be.
Staying safe during sex is important any time you try something new. At a sex party, it’s even more important. Make sure you know your own sexual health and history before you go. Don’t rely on others to have condoms - although at some sex parties, hosts will make sure you never run out. Bring lube to avoid painful friction that leads to bad sex and/or injury. Do what you need to do to avoid sexually transmitted infections and/or pregnancy. If the partner you want to get your freak on with isn’t interested in playing safely, they aren’t the partner for you. You’re not a prude for requiring your partner to wear a condom or take other precautions.
Think of What You Want From the Experience
Going to a sex party with an idea of what you want to get from the experience can help you navigate your way through the event. Do you want to have sex with a stranger? Would you like to try a new kinky thing? Will you feel more secure watching and getting to know people first? There’s no right or wrong way to attend a sex party. Thinking of what you want to experience can also help you figure out your boundaries and limits for the event. Going in knowing what you don’t want to do - have unprotected sex, fuck a stranger, etc - can help you decline an offer that doesn’t meet your needs. You can always change your mind, too, but make sure you’re fucking or sucking because it’s what you want.
At some parties, drugs and alcohol are off limits completely. This is a good thing because once someone is impaired, their ability to legally consent goes down. Can a drunk person consent to freaky sex? Maybe not. Other parties have a more open policy and rely on people knowing themselves and their limits. For your first (and ideally every) sex party, stay sober. If you need liquid courage or a little weed to feel brave, you may be doing something you’ll regret later. Drugs and alcohol can also slow down your reaction time and put you in a very vulnerable place. It’s better to say no or to offer an alternative idea than to mask your real feelings.
Be Open to More
Going to a sex party can feel like being let into an adult amusement park. You want to do All The Things. This can set you up for disappointment, especially if you don’t have as much sex as you thought you would. If you enjoy your first sex party, remember you can always go to another. Allow yourself to fully enjoy the experience you have - with or without sex - at this party and make plans to try something new at the next party. Ultimately, you want to walk away from a sex party with amazing memories and some new experiences - and a plan to go back for more later.
For people who enjoy them, sex parties are fun, freaky, and filled with new sexual pleasure they never thought possible. Be realistic in your expectations before you go and make a plan. This can help you get past your own nerves and have more fun. When in doubt, talk to the organizers and hosts of the sex party and bring a friend. If you have a great first sex party, there’s a good chance you will attend more.
Checking off your bucket list, plan well and try to attend sex party at least once. Get excited with your exploration. It is going to be an eye-opener and who knows you probably learn one or two tips to greatly pleasure yourself? Ready to rock the party? If you like this article, [CLICK TO TWEET] now or leave comments below.